How to Combat Loneliness in 9 Practical Steps

Loneliness is a widespread experience that affects people regardless of productivity or success level, and shame around it only compounds the problem.

Loneliness is chemical, not a choice, and cannot be overcome by simply willing it away; understanding the mechanics of how it works is essential.

• Make you feel less alone and less ashamed about experiencing loneliness • Provide specific, small steps you can take to rewire your feelings

Many people struggle with loneliness at different life stages, and addressing it through understanding rather than ignoring it is the path to recovery.

Increase oxytocin levels while decreasing cortisol and adrenaline to combat loneliness chemically.

• The chemical of connection and belonging • Creates warm and fuzzy feelings when with people you like • Makes you feel trusted and connected

• Cortisol causes feelings of panic, exhaustion, and stress • Adrenaline keeps you in fight-or-flight mode • Both spike during loneliness due to fear of disconnection

Our bodies are wired from caveman days to need connection for survival, so loneliness triggers our limbic system's fear response even though modern life doesn't require constant social bonding.

Ignoring loneliness allows it to grow like mold; addressing it early makes it easier to eradicate.

• Overindulging in sugar, sweets, and alcohol produces wrong chemicals • Excessive screen time reduces oxytocin production and eye contact opportunities • Watching news all day increases cortisol and adrenaline • Social media fills the need for interaction without truly fulfilling it

Identify what you overindulge in, what takes up too much time, and what stands in the way of your relationships.

• Limit screen time to certain hours daily • Go on a news diet by watching only during specific times • Reduce social media consumption

Everyone needs different amounts of social interaction to feel fulfilled; extroverts prefer frequent daily check-ins while introverts may only need one or two meetings per week.

• Reflect on when you were happiest and how many close friends you had • Recall how many hours per day you spent with others • Remember frequency of interaction with people you care about • Note how often you saw important people in your life

Balance your social calendar to match your happiest times without overshooting and draining yourself or undershooting and missing the oxytocin boost needed to combat loneliness.

This exercise gives you a snapshot of how much social time you truly need to thrive.

Fill with people you are closest with, usually one to three people who truly know you; leave blank if no one fits this description.

Include close friends, colleagues you enjoy spending time with regularly, and people you see on a regular basis.

• Distant friends like colleagues you see occasionally • Neighbors you pass in the hallway • Family members you check in with or see at holidays

• Actual people like neighbors or role models you wish you knew • Aspirational types like hiking buddies, cooking friends, or concert companions

• Text your best friend • Check in with a colleague about their family • Say hello to a neighbor • Keep initial goals simple enough to do today or tomorrow without anxiety

As you work down the goal list, anxiety and dread should decrease while confidence builds.

• Ask for a role model or mentor at work • Invite a colleague to happy hour or virtual happy hour • Join a dating app if seeking a soulmate

Start with achievable goals and gradually increase the challenge level as your confidence and courage grow.

• Say hello to your postman • Talk to your grocery checkout clerk • Text colleagues asking how their day is going • Ask about the weather and how they're doing

Small positive interactions build your courage and confidence to engage in deeper conversations without feeling overwhelmed.

Researcher Arthur Aaron developed 36 questions to help people fall in love; they work great for best friends, partners, parents, and kids to deepen relationships.

• What's one thing you've always wanted to try but never have? • Why haven't you done it yet? • What has been the highlight of your year so far? • What book, TV, or movie character do you most relate to?

If you're always online and texting, try in-person activities like meetups, hikes, and conversations at grocery stores; changing your environment can change your mindset quickly.

The more you enjoy time with yourself, the more other people will enjoy spending time with you.

• Read interesting books to have more conversation material • Learn new skills like gardening or cooking • Watch documentaries and take virtual museum tours • Develop interesting things to share with others

Set up alone date dinners for yourself to boost your relationship with yourself and become more interesting to others.

Everything shared involves small steps because small, incremental changes are how loneliness is truly beaten.

• Increase calm through consistent small interactions • Reduce adrenaline and cortisol levels • Increase oxytocin through connection

You are not alone in experiencing loneliness, and taking one of these relationship goals seriously can change your emotional state.

Choose one relationship goal to implement and commit to gradual progress through small, manageable steps.