Attachment Theory Quiz: Which of the 4 Styles Are You?

Attachment style uncovers our tendencies and patterns of how we connect with the people in our lives, including parents, partners, kids, and friends.

Our style of attachment can be a strong predictor of our relationship successes or failures, making it important to understand which pattern we follow.

Research has found that we typically have one of four attachment styles that dictate how we connect with people in the same pattern over and over again.

Vanessa Van Edwards is a human behavior hacker whose goal is to provide formulas, strategies, and blueprints to help understand and improve relationships.

• Tend to worry about their relationships • Experience emotional hunger and desperation to feel loved and wanted • Need constant assurance that their partner likes them and is equally invested

Think of love as a fantasy, like a perfect romantic comedy, and tend to look for a partner who can rescue them or complete them.

• Desperation can push away the exact person they want closeness with • Become clingy, possessive, paranoid, or need constant attention when afraid of losing their partner

About 20% of the population has an anxious attachment style.

• Tend to be emotionally distant from their partner • Take pride in their independence and view attachment as weakness • Like to process emotions on their own without sharing vulnerabilities

Tend to pull away when they need help most and worry about becoming too codependent, which they fear will take away their independence.

Can shut down emotionally during fights or close themselves off from feelings.

About 20% of the population is avoidant attachment.

• Tend to be less anxious and more satisfied with their relationships • Have an easy time forming connections • Have less doubt about the equality of their relationship

Have an easier time reaching out for comfort or asking for help from their partner.

Experience greater relationship stability and satisfaction compared to other attachment styles.

About 55% of the population is securely attached.

• Also called disoriented or disorganized attachment • Bounce between needing lots of attention and pulling away • Want reassurance and space simultaneously, wanting both unending love and independence

Swing from being afraid of connection to over analyzing the equality or depth of their relationships, living in constant internal conflict.

• Tend to get overwhelmed easily with unpredictable moods • Can smother their partner one moment but disappear without explanation the next day

Less than 5% of the population is fearful-avoidant attachment, making it the least common style.

Awareness is the first and most important step; understand your patterns and whether you tend to pull away or smother your partner.

Treat your relationship as a secure base and develop it as a foundation; people who change their attachment style do so by forming an earned secure attachment.

• Seek secure partners if you're looking for your ideal partner • Avoid rocky relationships with frequent breakups, lots of fights, or rollercoaster emotions that can destroy your secure foundation

Believe in growth as there is no perfect relationship or perfect partner; the more energy put into a relationship, the deeper and deeper love can grow.

Vanessa used to be avoidant attached and found a secure attached partner in her husband, transforming herself into earned secure attachment.

If the speaker can change her attachment style, anyone can too, showing that attachment styles are not fixed and permanent.

Make it your goal to develop a relationship as your home base, a touchstone, and a foundation for seeking out a satisfying and loving mutual connection.

Send this video to your partner and discuss it together to improve mutual understanding of attachment styles.