Why Trying To Be "Impressive" Will Ruin Your Dating Life

The biggest mistake in dating is approaching it with the mindset that the goal is to impress the other person and make them like you. This permeates everything from the flirting phase through dating and relationships.

• Choosing nicer restaurants than you'd normally prefer to impress them • Cooking meals you would never make for yourself or friends • Sticking to safe conversation topics instead of what interests you • Avoiding subjects that are idiosyncratic or offbeat to you

People want to know what to say, what to wear, and what to do to increase their chances of making someone like them. This desire comes from genuine interest in the other person.

You eventually succeed in making the person like you, but they're dating a curated version of you that you present on your best day, not the real you that will show up in the relationship.

• You can maintain the curated version for a couple of months before it starts to wear thin • You begin to resent them and yourself for having to keep the act up • You continue spending more money and having conversations you don't want to have to maintain their perception of you

You start to slip and show more of who you really are as the act becomes unsustainable. They begin to resent you as you reveal yourself differently than how they first perceived you.

You start fighting about things that seem random and inconsequential, but the core issue is that you're both dating versions of each other you don't actually know.

They likely did the same thing you did, wearing their own mask and presenting their best foot forward version. Now you're both seeing the real people after several months together.

Be the version of yourself that you will be six months down the line when you're no longer trying to impress this individual. Present your most normal, authentic self from the beginning.

When on a date or flirting, ask yourself: How would I be behaving right now if I had no interest in making this person like me? This reframes your behavior toward authenticity.

This approach results in more first dates that feel like failures in the old paradigm because the person doesn't like you, but it's actually success in a new paradigm focused on compatibility.

The people that you click with will be ones that clicked with you much more effortlessly. This approach may alienate certain groups, but it filters for genuine matches.

You should work on yourself, but not to please any particular individual. Personal development should be to build a better, more well-rounded version of you for your life in general.

• Don't go anywhere you don't want to go or that's outside your price range just to impress someone • Men especially shouldn't try to prove financial success through expensive dates • Dress fashionably but only in clothes you'll feel comfortable wearing in the future

• Don't stick to safe topics; ignore the rule of no religion or politics at the table • Talk about things that are important to you and that you find fun • If it's critically important to who you are, bring it up early so you know if you're compatible

Check if you have a dating version of yourself by noticing whether conversations stop or shift dramatically when your partner enters a room with your friends. If so, you're hiding part of yourself from them.

The point of dating and flirting and connecting with people in general is to find and surround yourself with people you are a good match with.

When you show your authentic self, the time you spend with compatible people will be much less effortful and you will grow even more for it.

The fundamental underpinning of this approach is self-acceptance. When you accept parts of yourself that you might not have in the past, you exude a confidence that makes other people accept these things about you as well.

When you stop trying to impress and accept yourself, you attract people who are genuinely compatible with you and filter out those who aren't. This creates more effortless connections.