How to Decode Your Partner’s Body Language

How to Decode Your Partner’s Body Language

Vanessa Van Edwards6 minFeb 12, 2015
4 chapters
  • Introduction to Non-Verbal Communication in Love(0'001'01)
    Research shows that 60 to 93% of communication is non-verbal, but in love it can reach 100% through signals like flirty glances and smiles across a room.
    Non-verbal cues are instant and subconscious, allowing people to signal attraction and interest without speaking a single word.
    • Lust: the physical attraction stage with intense fire • Attraction: slowly building connection and considering commitment • Attachment: solid, committed long-term relationship
    Each stage of love has distinct body language cues that can be identified and understood.
  • Lust Stage: Physical Attraction Signals(1'012'58)
    The eyebrow raise is a universal non-verbal cue for lust across all cultures, races, and both sexes, signaling interest, curiosity, and engagement.
    • Preening behavior: touching hair to draw attention to healthy, soft appearance • Touching the underside of the chin and lips to emphasize femininity • Hair tossing releases pheromones from the neck and projects a carefree attitude
    Peacocking: expanding the body by puffing out the chest and widening shoulders to communicate being a strong, suitable mate.
    These subconscious signals are naturally embedded in humans and work to attract potential partners without deliberate effort.
  • Attraction Stage: Building Connection Cues(2'584'22)
    People point their toes and torso toward the person they are interested in, revealing attraction even across a crowded room.
    • Men drape their arm around women they care for • Offering a coat or jacket shows protective concern • These actions signal deepening emotional investment
    People lean across tables, reach out to touch forearms or lower back, and try to physically minimize the gap between themselves and the person they are attracted to.
    These behaviors are so consistent that workplace observers can identify office relationships simply by watching body orientation and proximity.
  • Attachment Stage: Long-Term Bond Indicators(4'226'15)
    • Long-term couples sit with similar body language and adopt alike gestures • They tend to think alike and make the same facial expressions • Even wrinkle patterns and overall appearance become synchronized over time
    Touch releases oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, which creates bonding and signals that a partner is a suitable mate for long-term commitment.
    • Holding hands regularly • Draping arms around each other • Consistent physical affection and comfort with touch
    Counselors recommend increasing physical touch to couples experiencing marital problems, as the oxytocin released can help restore emotional connection.