Who You Find Attractive Is Based on How Hot You Are | Dan Ariely | Big Think

Assortative mating is the pattern where people rank themselves and others on attractiveness, and the most attractive date the most attractive, the middle-range date the middle-range, and the least attractive date the least attractive.

At the top of the attractiveness scale, people can pick anyone they want, so they choose partners equally attractive to themselves. Since both have abundant options, they end up together.

The pattern raises a critical question: how do most people in the middle range of attractiveness understand and accept their place in the social hierarchy?

Dan Ariely became interested in this question after a serious injury changed his attractiveness, making him wonder whether women who previously dated him would still want to, and where he would now fit in the social hierarchy.

Some people might never adjust to their place in the hierarchy and wake up every morning wishing they could date someone more attractive, accepting their partner as 'the best I could do.'

People might adapt by revaluing features they initially found unattractive. The Aesop's fable of the wolf and grapes illustrates this: unable to reach the grapes, the wolf decides they were sour anyway.

People could stop prioritizing attractiveness altogether and start valuing other qualities instead, such as kindness, intelligence, or humor.

To determine which adaptation mechanism actually occurs, Ariely designed experiments using the HotOrNot website and speed dating events to observe how different attractiveness levels influence dating behavior and preferences.

HotOrNot allows users to rate others on a scale of 0 to 10 for attractiveness and see how others rated them. The platform reveals both how raters score people and how the raters themselves are scored by others.

• People with different attractiveness levels see beauty the same way • A person rated 9 in attractiveness rates others identically to someone rated 4 • This proves that people do not change their fundamental sense of beauty

• The 'Meet Me' feature on HotOrNot shows who people actually want to contact, revealing different patterns than passive rating • People rated 4 approach others rated 4 or 5, while people rated 9 approach others rated 9 or 10 • People show slight optimism by approaching slightly above their range, but generally know their limits

People know their place in the social hierarchy and approach partners accordingly, yet they all perceive beauty in the same way, suggesting they must adapt through mechanisms other than changing their aesthetic preferences.

Researchers conducted a speed dating event where participants rated others on multiple attributes beyond just attractiveness, including personality traits and character qualities.

People who are very attractive prioritize attractiveness in their dating partners as a dominating criterion for who they want to date.

• Unattractive people report that attractiveness matters less to them • They prioritize other qualities like kindness and a good sense of humor • They shift their focus away from physical appearance to character traits

People adapt to their position in the social hierarchy by changing what they value and want in a partner, not by changing their perception of beauty. This allows them to find compatibility with partners at their own attractiveness level and view the world in a way that aligns with their circumstances.